I’m so sick of my life the way it is. I’m ready for some big changes. I’m not talking about self-discovery here, although that should always be a top priority. I’m talking about being finished with school, moving, starting my business, pursuing all the things Tim and I talk about every day. We’re so finished with this place, and ready to expand and grow. It’s become painful to be here.
Three years in college, and I’m almost finished. I can’t say it’s been particularly hard, because it hasn’t been. Do I plan on getting a doctorate? Yes, I do. Am I tired of doing homework everyday instead of pursuing my dreams, and spending time with my family? Yes, I am. Do I know that I need more education in order to pursue my dreams? Yes, I do. Hence, why I sit here and do homework every day. Why I devote all my time to this endeavor. Why I only go out once a week, to go hiking, instead of disappearing into the forest forever.
Tim is tired of his job. Every day it’s a challenge to drag himself out of bed, and go to work. He wants to start a business in San Francisco. He talks about it every day. I swear, we both spend more time daydreaming than anything else. We want to go exploring in the wilderness of Yosemite. We want to spend our days chilling on the beach. We want to bring our brother back, and take him with us. We want the memories we’ll never make. Still trying to talk the twin into going with us, but he seems intent on spending his days in the everglades.
Some day’s despondency gets the best of me, and I think, “we’ll never make it.” I’m use to poverty and disappointment. Then, the new positive, self-aware me, fights back against negativity. Someday, Tim and I will make all our fantasies a reality.
I know, that with the twin and soul sister in the Bahamas, not many will miss us here. Sure, there’s a few mamas’ who will, but the majority of our families are already elsewhere. For the first time in my life, all I can think is, “let time move faster.” Just not this week, as soon I will lose my oldest daughter. This summer has been rough; we all need it to get better.
This, of course, is just a series of random thoughts I had to express. I have no point.