Unraveling

I’ve always been a writer. Ever since I was a tween in middle school, attempting to write my own stories that rambled on FOREVER, into my teens, discovering poetry, and how extremely moving it can be. I stopped trying to write a fictional story long ago, but I still write poetry.

Poetry was my first love. I remember, when I was younger, I thought poetry was something that had to be ethereal or whimsical, but poetry can be plain or raw as well. It can describe the mundane or the magical. It can describe feelings of happiness, sadness, love and grief. I use poetry now to describe everything. I have decided to share some of that with you today. I hope you like it.

Unraveling

I am more than this skin

Dark clouds and rainy days within

I am more than these eyes

Wet and glistening with unshed battle cries

I am more than these thoughts

Screaming inside my mind

Whole worlds hidden behind what I am not

I am more than this galaxy

Spinning and flying free

I am unraveling

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Storms

Last night, as the storm clouds gathered, my husband and I were discussing rather or not I should mow the lawn. I said, “I should do it now, before it rains.” He said, “Nah, wait until tomorrow; it’s going to rain.” I don’t think anyone needs much convincing to put off mowing the lawn, so I decided to wait. Little did I know, a storm was gathering in our home as well.

Let’s talk about parenting for just a minute. I love my kids. They are everything to me, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. I think they are some of the best people I know. That being said, sometimes I hate being a parent. I hate having to fight with my children.

I, like all parents, am charged with a very specific job, – raise my children to grow into responsible, functional, compassionate, grateful, emotionally intelligent human beings, who contribute to society in a meaningful way, while obeying its laws. I take this responsibility seriously, sometimes, maybe, too seriously. I always try to make my decisions based on scientific research, and, what I feel, is best for my kids. When I make a decision, I am not going to change my mind. I have made that decisions for very sound reasons.

But children like to push buttons, and see how much they can get away with, even as they get older. One area where children especially like to push buttons is in the “time for bed” area. Do your children go straight to bed when you tell them too? If so, good for you! Please share your secret in the comments below… If not, join me while I have a little pity party for myself.

Our normal bedtime routine was interrupted last night by a twenty-minute begging session, that, I am ashamed to say, ended with me being a “crazy mom” and leaving the house to cool off. When I returned, my son was in bed, and I had an example to make. I went into his room, and asked for his forgiveness for yelling at him, and I told him how I was wrong for losing my temper, and that I shouldn’t have yelled. Most of the time, being the parent, is being the bigger person.

But, as the rain and then the hail begin to batter against my son’s window, and his tears of sadness turned into hugs of unconditional love, I realized that being a parent isn’t so bad, – most of the time. I could have ignored him, I could have explained to him why I was right and he was wrong. I could have pretended like it never happened. But, we all have to choose how we parent our kids, and I want my children to know that it’s alright to make mistakes, and even lose your temper, but it’s how you handle yourself after that truly speaks to your character.

This morning as I mowed the lawn, I reflected about last night’s storms. We all have storms to face in our lives, some figurative and some literal, but we can choose how we contend with them, and that makes all the difference.  As I watch the first rays of sun reflect against the dew on my freshly cut grass, I’m glad that I waited until it was sunny.

The End of Fear

Fear is a powerful thing. It can glue your feet to the floor, staple your mouth shut, and make your heart feel like a jackhammer in your chest. It makes your palms sweaty. It’s like a hand gripping your heart, squeezing the blood out. It becomes a cloud of doubt that circles above your head, tendrils reaching out to pull you back. To stop you from moving forward. It’s all in your head, but it can be a challenge to fight through that fear. To overcome it. To believe that you are strong enough. Fear. It’s the thing that stops most of us from being great. It’s the thing that stops us from pursuing our dreams. Fear can be a powerful thing. Fear has been what has stopped me for months from pursuing my dreams; years, truthfully.

This blog has been many months in the making. I have spent many nights struggling. What do I write about? Why would anyone want to read what I have to write? Will anyone read it? Oh my, what if people DO read it? There’s that racing heart again. Sweaty palms. See how a new thought appeared there? What if people do read my blog? But, silly Harmony, that’s the point. Some part of my mind finds comfort in those words, so onward I plunge – facing my biggest fear. Writing for an audience. Writing in my own voice, and not for academic reasons. Writing what I want to write, with no references, unless I choose to include them. Fear is being conquered at this very moment, behind this very computer. Aren’t you glad to be a witness to it?!?

I still haven’t gotten it all figured out. I do not know “what” this blog is about. I will probably make it up as I go along; write about things that are affecting my life right now. Things that peak my interest. Things that relate to culture and society.  I’m nothing extraordinary, just a normal person, with normal aspirations, who happens to have a pension for writing. Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Harmony, and I’m aging quite nicely, thank you. I am a mom, and I have four amazing children, who range in age from nine to eighteen. My oldest goes to college at the end of the summer, my second oldest will be a junior, my third child goes into High School, and my youngest enters fourth grade this next year. They are my reason for living. I was extremely lucky four years ago, and met the man of my dreams. He is eleven years younger than me, and my best friend. We have the greatest times together. He’s so funny! We have a spoiled little puppy, named Odin, who is a springer spangle. That’s our family! We have many great adventures together, and we are happy you have decided to join us!

A little more about me, since I am the one writing the blog, and should have some sort of qualifications, right?  I am an aspiring Anthropologist who loves different cultures, camping, hiking, photography, astronomy, and writing. I think my main purpose behind this blog is to just practice writing. Like I said, fear has held my feet cemented to the ground until just this morning, when a wave overtook me, and I knew what to write. Maybe this blog will end up being nothing more than an elaborate diary, but it’s writing, and the best way to become a writer is to write! So, I will write and hope someone, somewhere, will read it and obtain some enjoyment from it.

I look forward to hearing from you! Thank you for reading my blog!

Harmony

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